if only I

"What if... Colleen's life, in her own words, has been "wretched." She was sexually abused by her father, betrayed by her husband, separated from her children, driven by her love for a heroin addict to attempted suicide. Colleen has survived by taking responsibility for her decisions and dreaming of a safer place, sometimes relying on the kindness of strangers. if only I marks another hot summer in crisis. Colleen presents herself, broken and whole, to the camera.

"if only I is a moving portrait of a troubled soul, a failed suicide caught in the grip of the medical bureaucracy, and her helpmeet and champion, a recovering schizophrenic who has only recently dragged himself up from the streets."

—New York Video Festival, 2000

This title is also available on Donigan Cumming: Controlled Disturbance.